every beat of my heart

moving on

2011-01-27T10:34:00.002+08:00

... since there is another blog that i blog at. Perspective changes, i have changed too. I have moved on to much greener pastures.

Do visit at http://nettescraps.blogspot.com

empathy

2010-10-08T06:57:00.002+08:00

Pathetic? When life takes you well, you forget the Maker who has been the one blessing you with everything. You think that you are able to handle everything well. But it is when life strikes you hard, you realise that it is Him who is the only one who can make things better.

You just got to trust. I am trusting and I am ready for the consequences.

God, pls help.

Blanked

2010-09-08T15:08:00.001+08:00

The hardest thing is knowing how much you have hurt the person you love. Yet, you cant stop yourself from doing it.

Purpose ?

2010-08-25T18:37:00.001+08:00

I am hating the person that I am in school. Perhaps, I should rethink about this after 3 years. To some bad students, to one particular class.. God, pls tell me what to do. Teach me how to love even when it is hard to love. Show me how to love like you did.

i cant

2010-08-01T09:54:00.003+08:00

Its one of these days when you wake up feeling absolutely horrible and depressed. You feel happy for the others but yet inside, you feel lonely. You question why has He not done the same for yourself and how long is He going to make you wait.

Yeah right now, i feel that my world just ended. How do i stay positive when that glimmer of light seems so small?

Thank God

2010-07-30T09:11:00.003+08:00

its Friday. It has been way too long since i blogged here. Somehow, i am reminded not to close it down, only because this is the place where i can truly say i want to say. School is getting better. Classes have been cut down after a perpectual mental breakdown in semester 1. The bosses have been good, i must say. Each day, i pray for strength to last the day. Teaching is no joke and sometimes I ask myself, whether it was worth it or not?

But i will survive, with God in mind. It has been a super draining period on my spiritual life that right now, I do not attend churh regulary and go for cg. It is pretty bad but hey, i am still here. I guess it lies truly on me. There is no desire and inclination, at all. I hope that it will change.

i know

2010-04-16T09:51:00.000+08:00

this blog is dying and i havent been posting. I have been really busy but i am good and i am glad i am surving this whole worklife. I am thankful for little oppotunities that come my way, to make me be a stronger and more independant person.

I am not liking what i have become, in certain areas of work but i was reminded last night that I should change the ways i handle work, especially with regards to my authorities. Not that I have been rude or whatsoever, but i realised that gossips are such powerful and harmful ways of destroying my life. I should refrain and do what is right in God's eyes.

So yes Lord, thank you for the timely reminder. Even though i dont read my bible, go to church regulary or pray as often as i used to, i thank You for still being there for me. I know it is definitely not what is desired from You but you are slowly changing me and reminding me of how much i should start taking ownership of my christian life.

I am reminded.

school gets the better of life

2010-02-22T18:46:00.001+08:00

even when school gets overwhelming and it seems like a mere impossible task to complete all the markings, even if you'd a rough day because you said the stupiest thing in class, even if you have crazy students running up your head, even if you feel so insecured about your teaching, even if ...

Lord, you complete me and you truly know who I am.

What holds me

2010-01-24T20:48:00.002+08:00

I am still stick and i feel like i wont be able to survive this week. 2nd round of antibiotics but my body seems more fatigue than ever. I have been sleeping so much over this weekend and i am still so tired. Dont know whats wrong but school is overwhelming and i seriously hope i can get the hang of it soon.

What holds me.. I got reminded of this song today as i was preparing for lessons this week. Sometimes when busyness takes over you, you forget who holds you. i am reminded that God is the only one who knows me inside out and he has a perfect plan for my life. I got to trust as he unfolds his will upon me.

Your faithfulness never fails
Your faithfulness everyday
You're the same

Unfailing love sets me free
Unfailing love you lead me
With your hand

And all i know
With your arms around me
Your face is all that i seek
Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy

For you alone are great in power
You alone are my strong tower
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone

For you alone are my desire
You have set my heart on fire
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone
Worship you alone

And i will follow after you
For you are my desire
Oh jesus, my heart belongs to you

;

Thank you, God for your unfailing love.
I will continue to rely on You.

the downs

2010-01-13T17:18:00.004+08:00

it is always in moments like these that i feel that i need to blog. It was just one of those days where everything that could go wrong went wrong. Nothing i could do could stop certain things from happening. As a result, tears came down and i have a freaking bad sore throat. Sometimes i wonder whether the effort to prepare for lessons are appreciated or whether the kids know what they are doing are hurting their teachers. It is like they dont care, why should i care then?

And we are called to lead, care and inspire. The kids these days dont care one thing about such stuff! I wonder why they are in schools in the first case. Okay, maybe it is a generalisation. But i realised it is only the 2nd week of school and troubles are boiling up already.

and i wonder... I think i am more than determined to change my environment soon. Dont worry, i will hang in there for the next 3 years.

Correct me if i am wrong, lets see whether i will change my mind at the end of 3 years. For now, i am staying positive despite of how crappy i feel. (:

24

2010-01-11T14:53:00.004+08:00

Another year, another mildstone : I am thankful for all those who msged, Fb-ed, called and spent the time to celebrate my bday this year. I am always grateful for the time and love you guys have shown to me. In so many ways, you made an important differece in my life.

I may be 24 but i am still young at heart.

Thank you Lord, for loving me unconditionally for these 24 years. I am blessed, i truly am. (:

2010

2010-01-03T19:58:00.003+08:00

So everything is going to be on a hold, for now. That includes the usual gaming and scrapbooking. Yes, my life is going to start tomorrow as a full fletch teacher. It occurs to me that i might be turning a year older, but in so many ways..I am like a 16 year old, wanting to escape responsibilties and just be carefree. But too bad, life never goes according to what you want it to be. I have so much growing to do and I know it is going to be a tough year ahead.

But in so many ways, i am thankful for the opportunities that have come my way, in every aspect of my life. So in the whole scheme of it, i am embracing what is ahead with anticipation, knowing that His will above is perfect and flawless.

to 2010 : be more committed, stay committed.

bad day

2009-12-22T23:21:00.003+08:00

@)(#@)_(#@_)

this is screwed up beyond screwed. I feel so darn lousy that i should just go and sleep. I cant believe it! I cant believe my whole darn career is gone thanks to one darn result. It sucks that when you tried and tried, but yet end up with this.

Maybe i am just not cut out to be.

Long awaited pictures

2009-12-14T10:24:00.002+08:00

I think FB hates me! it does not allow me to upload the pictures without crashing my firefox. Darn it! Haha. But in any case, i am back from Hong Kong and i took quite some time to recover since i had a couple of 'cg' outings i had to attend. (which i had the most fun with) I realised that spending time with them always puts my heart at ease knowing that there are no boundaries of who i need to be. I can be myself and that is all that matters.

in any case, pictures from Kuantan and HK trip. (:

Did i tell you that i do not want school to start? reality stinks if you ask me. I got to enjoy my last 2 weeks of freedom, just doing whatever i want. (:

iPhone blog

2009-11-24T09:53:00.003+08:00

First time blogging from the phone. I can't believe school in NIE is ending. I just want to say that it has been 10 hard months of transitions between school and church but god is here even when I drifted far away from him. nearly gave up on the faith and went thru the darkest time of my life. It does not get better but I'm glad that there were people who gave me the support and i'm so sorry for hurting so many along the way.

Thank you God for loving me unconditionally.
Let me grow in grace each and everyday.
Be the sole reason and purpose of my life.

iphone

2009-11-08T11:36:00.001+08:00

Haha. i finally got it! Not that i always wanted it but Dad decided to give it to me since i was going to graduate from NIE. My dad was so funny! He thought i was going to fail in NIE so he wanted to motivate me.

But NO ONE fails in NIE! It is literally impossible to do so! Grades dont even matter since its only a Post Grad Diploma course. In any case, i told him i did not want it until i found out i could play COOKING MAMA on it! Haha. I know, silly me! Always wanted to buy a DS so that i can play. But now i dont have too. The best thing was i wanted to use my LDS to buy a 16G ipod but right now, i dont need to cuz the IPHONE has everything i want. :D

i am one happy girl.

ready set go

2009-10-29T18:38:00.004+08:00

Everything is settled. I am going on my first overseas trip without the family! i know, it is sad but you know that is the hardest part about being the youngest : Mum just refuses to let me go. I mean, if you count the endless mission trips i went, it was all done with much persuasion. Lol.

But this is different. No agenda. it is purely a vacation with my dearest dumbie. The funny thing is that both of us were serious about it. Within one day, we got everything planned and booked. I am so freaking excited. Mum is happy to let me go because she is going to Korea with her colleagues and Kate is staying over at our house for the Dec hols. So i guess, she has less time to care about me.

Hooray for freedom! Even if it is just going to be 4 days. :D

Hong Kong, here we come! (:

the past - the present

2009-09-30T16:31:00.002+08:00

It was great seeing you after all these years. The last i checked, i was JC2 when we met again and when you left, i was Sec 4. A familiar face, a familiar voice, a familiar character .. i was glad you called.

It brought back the past in a good way, remembering all the memories we shared and how you always looked out for me. I hope you are fine and staying strong with your faith.

We got to meet up soon if not, i'll see you on 7/8 Aug next year.

Geography coming to life

2009-09-07T23:22:00.004+08:00

Wow, today was a really fun but tiring day. I wont say it was the best field trip i ever went for but i did see some of the most amazing scenery we have in Singapore. It makes all that damn walking and sweating in the Sun worth it, even if it is just for a few minutes. (:

i was so glad to see everyone. But the thought of going back to write essays, do readings, group work and presentations do not seem cool now. Haha.

Cheery

2009-09-06T09:03:00.004+08:00

Getting Katie to smile was quite an achievement. She knows how to sit and give me a warm smile, then came the art of my camwhoring skills. (:

;

Stopping By and I am doing good. I got so much to look forward to from now onwards. Cant wait to go back and see my NIE friends, cant wait to go back being a student, cant wait for the wedding, cant wait for the 1st year celebration, cant wait for the year end holiday trip.. in all aspects, Thank you Lord. (:

Freedom

2009-09-04T17:48:00.002+08:00

It is finally over! Practicum ended today and it definitely feels surreal. I mean, 10 weeks ended so fast and i used to think that time was moving too slowly. I guess i am at the stage now where i do not really care about the results. I am glad i survived it all and the school experience was one of a kind. i think i will miss the kids that i taught during this 10 weeks.

I will share another time.Off to sleep and then CG. i am running on 4 hours of sleep since yesterday.

Dear Kate

2009-08-27T21:12:00.003+08:00

Dear Kate, you are 10 months old going onto 11 months in a week's time. Look at how fast time has passed and you have been nothing but a joy in our lives. You put a smile on my face knowing that you are healthy. Your laughter and smile make my worries seem so small. Seeing you grow, watching you learn to crawl and walk, seeing you respond to us when we ask you to bend your head, clap your hands, kiss goodbye and seeing you chuckle whenever we play peek-a-boo with you.. I am so proud to be your aunt and i love you lots.

18 more days

2009-08-19T20:57:00.003+08:00

And the counting begins! i cant believe i have 18 more days left in Deyi this year. It has been a fast but tiring 8 weeks. In a lot of ways, i really need to be thankful to God. i have discovered so much about myself and being in the environment that i am in, i have learned to be stronger and those insecurities are fading away.

But there will always be days where you feel good and days that you wished you could erase. It is all part and parcel of the teaching life. So i am hanging there with faith that God will provide and whatever the practicum grade is, it is truly in God's hands. I've done my part and I've tried my best. (: I am glad i have learned and discovered much about myself.

So much to be thankful for.

update

2009-07-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

Haha! i am in a very happy mood to blog! I got so much to look forward next week. Two days of E learning (which means no teaching) and an upcoming private scrapbook class to attend on sat.

So i am into the 4th week! I must say, time is actually passing pretty fast! Once the week starts, time passes fast! 2 more days to the weekends. 6th more weeks in Deyi, for now!!! HAHA!!!

i am settling pretty well. Overall, classes are pretty fun to teach with the exception of one class! I cant believe i actually dragged going to their class. I got to really love them for who they are, even when they are rude and downright disrespectful.

So yeah, till then!!!

Stressed

2009-07-12T18:01:00.003+08:00

I have a lot to learn. I have seen the ugly side of this working world and it has only been 2 weeks. I need to learn to take it all in and just to do my best in the midst of the stress and the workload.

Yes, i am still sick. But i must show my professionalism. I am going to deal with it as it comes. I hope i dont need to strain my voice this week. Darn, this viral attack of mine. On and Off fever kills me and my throat still hurts after 3 days.

7 more weeks and counting.

Going by Faith

2009-07-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

Jesus’ answer instructs us all: “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent” (v.29). Whatever we have to do, then, whether teaching a Sunday school class, leading a small group, telling the gospel story to our neighbor, or preaching to thousands, it must be done by faith. There is no other way to “work the works of God.”

Our responsibility is to serve God faithfully, wherever He has placed us. Then we’re to leave the results to Him. As Jesus reminded His disciples in John 15:5, “Without Me you can do nothing.”

-

Thank You for timely reminders time and time again.
You never fail to be here for me when i need it the most.
So tmr marks the start of teaching..
I pray for uncertainties and doubts to be swap away
and that You will go forth to be with me in the midst of hard demand of practicum, expectations from CTs and Supervisor. I know i will claim you victorious in my victories and failues.

Amen. Amen.

yet another post

2009-06-23T13:49:00.005+08:00

So i got the call from Deyi saying that i have to attend 2 staff meetings this thurs and friday! Oh my gosh! I am as scared as a mouse now! the reality has sunk in and my holidays officially end tmr. Now now, that sucks! I seriously hope they close school! Pls do! Close all the schools! Haha.

Pictures from Sat :

At least, i managed to watch some great movies this week. I love you man and Ghost of Girlfriends past were two pretty awesome movies! I absolutely love chick flicks.

Okay, i am tired.
Got to sleep.

;

I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm, i will hold on Lord
and my faith i will walk on Lord
Then i will see, beyond my Calvary one day
and i will be complete in you.

battlefield

2009-06-23T00:28:00.003+08:00

So i sat down and prayed tonight. Something that i havent been doing for quite some time. The next 10 weeks are going to be a huge challenge to me even as i stepped in the teaching world. It is the real raw deal and I am not afraid to say I am hell scared. Then there is church, the uncertainty of it all creeps and bothered me.

Prayed for a lot of things but most importantly, i prayed for peace and trust. And within seconds, I had an important email that has settled my practicum matters. It is one of those miraculous moments on how real God can be. Thank You!

That aside, Cg leader once said that it is not the moments that you remembered how God has been real to you that makes God real. The truth is God is always real and He has always been there. It is a matter of whether I has been blind to see or have shunned the possibility of Him in my life.

So yes Lord, i trust in your unfailing purpose for me.

it's never easy

2009-06-21T10:34:00.002+08:00

Sundays are hard days, i will say. I shared that with the Cg and it still gets hard because i know things have changed and i dont know how to connect back to what i have in the past. It is a constant struggle to wake up on Sundays and say that everything is going to be okay! You walk into the place and yet you still feel alone.

How do i make things better?

Back

2009-06-16T14:22:00.002+08:00

Just got back from Hong Kong & Guangzhou last night! Dead tired, but it was a fun filled holiday and a much needed break away from Singapore.

I am in the midst of unpacking and look at what i have bought so far! My goodness! No more shopping in Spore for the time being. Have a good weekend, everyone! More updates soon! (:

yayy

2009-05-24T23:57:00.002+08:00

In a lot of ways, there are a lot of things to be thankful for. I am glad school is ending, i got my posting to the school and had some of my prayers answered.

I am reminded everyday that life might be a challenge but You are my stronghold who never fails to be there for me. I am thankful that i am working hard for your glory and i am trusting you with whatever opportunities you placed in front of me.

So i hold on to that faith..

Counting down

2009-05-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

Counting down to the end of May! School will end and i can get my one month break! Cant wait even though practicum scares me and i am going to find out where i am going to be posted soon.

Managed to meet TFF and Key over the long weekend. I dont want school to start tmr cuz i am not even done with any of my assignments. Rawr.

--

Things to be thankful for this month :
1) Happy NSD and 3rd prize for scrap challenge
2)LO of the week
3)Spending more time with kate
4)My fav taiwan's episode thus far
5)Prayers

yayy

2009-04-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

okay, after much thought! i decided to create another blog to documenting my scrap journey and the link for it is under my link sections. I do hope all the readers out here can take some time to visit it. Haha. (self promoting, i know)

But i figured out that personal blog and scrap blog should be kept separate even though they represent a large part of my life. But anyway, here is the link : SCRAP!

School is great, i am happy that the week is ending.

faith

2009-04-26T14:41:00.002+08:00

A testimony of faith is a changed life.

In a lot of ways, it is hard to see how much i have changed but i do know the many areas in my life that God isnt pleased it. He wants me to change for the better. these are steps that i know i must take.

Thank you for the enlightening bible study. It is like whenever i havent been to church in a long time that God stops and places people to remind me of my apt situations. It is moments like these that put my life into perspective that God is still real and he wants me back to his side.

I am struggling, i know. Going to church isnt easy, i must be honest. With circumstances and changes constantly, sometimes it is hard to find the purpose in going every sunday. This year has been a world of changes that i must try to get by with.

Thank You for the timely first step.

blogskins

2009-04-19T00:47:00.003+08:00

It got me thinking after visiting blogskins website. It has been way too long since i visited that website and a lot of memories about it came back to me. I mean, i started being a member 5 years ago and i was blogskinning for somewhat 2 years. There were a lot of good memories and it was a part of my online life. I made friends and these were the friends who supported you in what you were doing in skinning.

and in a way, i do miss that.

perhaps, just maybe .. if it wasnt for the big 'world war' fight, all of us might still be there and all of us might still be contributing frequently in the community. But that is life because there will always be people who will want to put you down.

i wonder whether it will be the same for the scrapbooking community. i wonder if my interest in it will last. i do hope it does because i want to have alot of beautiful memories of it.

Much of this thinking has made me realised that it is time to get back to installing my photoshop, hunting for nice fonts and brushes. I miss doing that and it might be good to get back some skills. :D

A shoutout to Kat and WG : i miss you guys. :D

update

2009-04-17T21:40:00.004+08:00

It has been a long time since i last updated this blog. I cant believe i just got home after being away for 12 hours since i woke up in the morning. i am dead tired and i hate that i 've long breaks in between my 2 lessons for today. in any case, i used that time wisely to complete all my assignments for the following week.

I'm glad the weekends are here! Saturdays and Sundays are the best two days to rest and to have some 'me' time which is hard to have any during the weekdays.

I have tons of pictures to update but i guess i will just show one! it is about time to show some products of the scrapbooking addiction. this is a more recent piece that i did. (:

Enjoy your weekends. :D

the reality

2009-03-21T23:20:00.002+08:00

i cant believe it. The amount of workload i have is endless and it just keeps piling up. i hate to say this but i cant believe i am working harder for a diploma than a degree. Its not like you have 5 modules to handle like i did in NUS. it is like having 7 modules now and there are like freaking alot of assignments per module.

okay, i should shut my rantings now.

-

i must see some positive light in all of these.
God, keep me sane and healthy.

how apt

2009-03-15T14:58:00.002+08:00

if hell weeks arent enough and if the amount of assignments are enough, then why not add another car accident to the list. I am so freaking irritated by how bad things can get. I mean, i know i shouldnt be complaining but it is hard not to do so. It is my own damn fault. i am speechless to what to do and what to say. The psychological barrier of 3 accidents has finally taken its toll on me. I m never going to drive again. I figured that taking cabs everyday will be cheaper than the overall damages to car accidents.

I used to think that i was really grateful for my parents in sponsoring me to take driving lessons. But now, i just think i am not cut out for driving. period.

drowning

2009-03-12T21:28:00.002+08:00

it has been a horrible week so far. there are so much to do and so many assignments due. It is really drowning me. i wont say NUS was any better but i guess the workload isn't as light as it is. I was really upset about it yesterday because i really wanted to give up. its not that the grades matter but i do want to make sure that every assignment i do is done from me doing my best.

I have to persevere and rely on his strength each and everyday. i really cant do it on my own. It was nice to just take my thoughts away and i headed down to MWL today. it felt good spending money on the things i love. i do hope i have time to take myself away and just have some 'me' time.

clouded

2009-03-08T17:20:00.002+08:00

It daunt upon me that God is truly working on my insecurities. And quite frankly, i do have many of them. Where i am right now and the decisions that led to this point can be quite thought provoking. I still dont know whether i made the right decision or whether i prayed hard about it. It can be really intimidating when you go to school where everyone is sure of their profession and i am still kind of lost. :/

I got reminded of why i chose the path when i was reflecting this week. I remembered that particular quiet time i did after praying for so hard about NIE.

As quoted : 'God is glorified by showing Himself strong through our weaknesses. It shows us that He desires to work through our lives not because we are perfect but because He is. And since He uses weak and foolish things (1 Cor. 1:27), it means you and I are prime candidates for His work.

The Lord isn’t looking for superheroes. He uses those of us who are flawed and frail, so that He can show His strength and grace. He wants those with a willing and available heart.'

-

I need to persevere in where i am right now, be it in school or at church. God just wants me, he does not want someone who is perfect but he desires that imperfect me to be moulded. I got to keep reminding myself even as i get lost in the mundanes of life.

the joy

2009-03-04T20:14:00.005+08:00

these are the simple joys that keep you going each and every tiring week. Actually, there has been only one constant joy rencently. I think i finally seen the value of spending time with Kate. It makes me eager and excited knowing that i see her every week growing and becoming more responsive of who I am to her. :D

the purpose

2009-02-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

its strange, i must say. i cant seem to comprehend why life can be so unpredictable sometimes. one moment you can be healthy and full of zest and the next moment, you are down and gone. Life is full of surprises and its the loved ones that gets affected the most when someone they love unexpectedly goes away.

it really makes me take a step back and realize that i must be thankful and appreciative of who and what i have. You never know when God decides to take someone away from you. But i believe that He is sovereign and He will provide even when it hurts and even when you are clouded by your emotions.

He is good, He will always be.
so to a certain friend, hang in there.
Lean on his goodness and providence.

So you see

2009-01-29T19:11:00.003+08:00

.. i am having major problems trying to blog. I have been too busy with school and scrapbooking that blogging only becomes a need when i feel like it. Haha. CNY passed so darn fast that i cant believe its over. I am refusing to stay in hostel because i really like sleeping at home. I have not started studying at all and that worries me.

But but i managed to finish the altered photoframe from IKEA. i have been procrastinating for far too long. I am not sure whether i should even put pictures of what i have been doing with my new hobby because i have not reached the level where i think i am good enough.

in any case, another private blog might be open just for that. i am still considering my options.

okay, the long awaited pictures..

well, the truth is

2009-01-15T23:32:00.001+08:00

that i am scared to move into hall despite the convenience it will possess. Now that i have really troublesome roommates, i am even more scared of what is going to happen. It is like being thrown out into the storm and you have to fend for yourself. Perhaps there is much i can learn from hall experience even though i heard of how bad they can be. I guess it is not to allow these negative thoughts get to me because i know i have a God who is far greater and He is there even if i feel alone.

Things will work out, i know they will.

23rd

2009-01-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

and this year was a really quiet and simple bday. i did fall sick on the actual day itself but i was really touched by what and how everyone helped me to celebrate this special day. thanks to everyone for their well wishes, msges, phone calls and presents. I really enjoyed myself and i could that tons of love coming from you guys.

pictures will be up soon.

1st day of

2009-01-02T18:34:00.003+08:00

school was not that bad. Just went down for one hour of registration, paid some fee, took some shirt and goody bag and we could go. NIE is really so darn big and i can tell u now i am going to get lost! :D we went for lunch at JP after that and mindy and i watched bedtime stories. It is really a super heartwarming show. Shopped around and i realised how nice JP is. It is going to be our new home for the next one year to come.

I am glad that i will be spending time with these people tonight.

There is no better reason to end your weekend like this. Perfect. Cant wait for the dinner and the stayover.

mmmm, let me see

2008-12-31T09:30:00.003+08:00

Dad put his arm around my shoulder today and said " jeanette, you are starting a new chapter on friday!" and i immediately shouted a loud ARGH! And i have no idea why i did that but i know i am not looking forward to this friday. I am still in self denial that i am going to be a teacher.

I know. I know. I signed the bond already. But i guess reality has not sunk in yet. in any case, i am going to embrace it with courage. (:

So, in a lot of ways i am looking forward to tonight's stayover if it goes according to plans. I am abit apprehensive about certain things. I might just end up not staying over and coming home. It sounds like a good alternative plan.

I am such a loner and i dont care. Finished my first altered album on this year's camp. I am really happy with the end results. You got to come to my house and see it then. (:

till then, happy new year! :D

be thou my vision

2008-12-22T22:28:00.003+08:00

camp was good, in a lot of ways. But what matters is that you take your experiences and lessons out from mondays to saturdays. Because the reality is, not everyday can be a sunday as much as you want it to be. (:

it was good, in a subtle and poignant way.

the lack of sleep is getting to my brains.
I am falling sick and it is affecting my work.

;

on the other hand, christmas is coming and the year is ending. 2nd Jan 2009 will arrive before i know it and God will lead as i enter a new chapter in my life. 4 years is long to a person like me, but i believe that these 4 years will be a step of faith that i need to take for God to strengthen and for me to depend on Him even more.

it is good to be back

2008-12-06T00:25:00.003+08:00

home. I am super duper exhausted from the lack of sleep during this missions trip. Worrying about rats, the lizards, the going-to-the-toilet-in-the-dark were low-lights but i am sure there were many highlights that i will mention when i blog more about it tmr. (:

Some updates:

could it be?

2008-11-30T09:30:00.003+08:00

crap, i couldnt sleep last night even though i slept at 3 am. I have been up since 8.30 pm. Somehow, i seem to be thinking a lot and hence the inability to sleep more. Meh-anne said something ytd that made me really touched. I am glad that i am not only one who feels this way. There is a purpose in everything and i believe that we must continue to pray about that vision. If God so willing, then i will really be thankful. The uncertainties of what is going to happen in 10 years is really there. I wish things didnt have to change that fast.

But you never know, really!

So to a certain cg, i really hope it is going to last even if some are here and some are overseas. :D

i bite

2008-11-28T16:12:00.004+08:00

yesterday was one of the most URGHH days i ever had. It was my off day and i managed to get some rest and catch up on shows and computer games. I was watching an old episode of CSI when a phone call rang.

Lets just say i am still affected. Even after the late night prayer session that left me all tired and drained, i still cant help but say it is really hard to forget. I guess i can never look at things from the same way ever again. I am fine but it is just that i am speechless as to how i am supposed to react.

once bitten, twice shy.

and the worst thing is i know but * does not know i know. Sometimes you are called to do things you dont want to do just so that it is for the greater good.

thats why its called a ministry.

-

God, be merciful on me.
Let me see the extent of showing grace.

double stamping day

2008-11-24T17:35:00.002+08:00

Jeanette has officially became a scrapaholic! I am not kidding. This new hobby has taken over my life completely and i have spent close to 250 bucks in just one week. Its madness. but i am really liking the hobby and i am going to take classes soon. So i have finally went from blogskinning to scrapbooking. In a way, its a much better hobby even though it is more ex.

Dad says he rather i scrapbook-ed than to play dota. LMAO!

-

Thank God, Lyn is a pro scrapbooker. I can ask her for tips every week. I cleared my whole darn table and bought boxes to store up materials. Imagine, i actually CLEARED my table. I think that is a miracle itself. :D

daily

2008-11-17T14:36:00.003+08:00

I have been listening to a lot of old hillsong songs lately. They are like my daily meditation songs on the way to and back from work. The old hillsongs songs have deeper and more meaningful lyrics which really speaks to my heart.

-

my dear kate has grown so much since she was born. Now just 5 weeks, she wails pretty loudly and sometimes it breaks my heart. I got the technique on how to carry her and she has gotten pretty heavy. Haha. (: Still, she has been a bundle of joy to our family.

-

I have been thinking about ideas for christmas presents lately. More or less, i know what to make for close friends so it just leaves the mass of friends left in church.
It is going to be expensive this year. But i am so excited about it. :D

-

You know what, I am trying. But sometimes i just feel so darn neglected by you. It just gets harder whenever its this time of the year. I just wish that things could go back to 1 year ago.

urgh

2008-11-16T09:47:00.001+08:00

i am not the person I am when I am judgemental.
URGH! God, shine some light in this darkness.

2008-11-11T13:51:00.002+08:00

God is glorified by showing Himself strong through our weaknesses. It shows us that He desires to work through our lives not because we are perfect but because He is. And since He uses weak and foolish things (1 Cor. 1:27), it means you and I are prime candidates for His work.

The Lord isn’t looking for superheroes. He uses those of us who are flawed and frail, so that He can show His strength and grace. He wants those with a willing and available heart.

-

Deleted the post. I sincerely prayed about it. Yes, i am going to sign 4 years of my life away. Though i am still a bit apprehensive, I believe that i am making the right decision. I praise God becuase my family is in full support of it. He will make my weakness perfect. (:

'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' - Phil 4:4-7

God's grace

2008-11-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

So the number one on the prayer list has been answered. I am really thankful because i know that as much as i might find it a challenge, i know that God has been real and faithful to me. So yes, the new job has been confirmed and i will start next year. For a long time since graduation, i have been thinking why i have not been able to find a stable job. But i thank God because He was faithful in revealing his plans for me.

I was reminded by what Pastor Luke said on Sunday that if we remain faithful, then God will do immeasurably more than what we can imagine. I was just talking to estelle yesterday and i was telling her how much i was afraid that i might not get the job and the funny thing is that this morning i received a msg saying that i got offered. (:

Its all in God's timing and i'm thankful.

-

enough said. Praise God.

identity

2008-10-27T19:24:00.003+08:00

'The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.'
- Zephaniah 3:17

I'm glad i went for STEPS even though i knew it will take up my whole weekend. I think it has been one of the best decisions i made about a missions retreat. I learnt a lot and i am so grateful for all the mentors who have encouraged me in this christian journey. I never thought going there could actually clear my doubts and fears. It has been refreshing knowing that knowing God brings about knowing yourself. I think i will always remember this, as a pivotal point in my spiritual walk with Him.

-

i dont need to say much but i am always grateful for the times we meet as a threesome. You guys have been my source of joy and i am really thankful that we are still close even after jc days. (:

-

i am glad that even though i am tired, i feel refreshed mentally and spiritually. i am ready for the week's worth of work. (:

center

2008-10-19T16:17:00.004+08:00

I was just thinking about what happened at church yesterday. Sometimes its hard to make the step of surrendering everything to God and making him the center of my life because that is virtually impossible. Perhaps its not about making a promise you cant keep but keeping a positive attitude that i want to be a 'HOT'.

I think what J said during worship ytd was true. Sometimes God needs to break you first before we can say we are His children.

and i know i am guilty of what is stated below :

These people draw near to Me with their mouth,
and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me.
- Matt 15:4

So Lord, check my heart. I know what are things that i cant surrender and I need to work on them. Be real to me, Lord.

the new gadget

2008-10-19T10:50:00.002+08:00

missions retreat was unexpectedly great. I learnt a lot and it was good to see the team getting bonded as one. I am glad that things are starting to shape up. (: I love my fish eye lens, did i tell you? i am glad that i din buy the fish eye camera because knowing me, i will get bored with it after awhile. (:

down with a bad sore throat and flu.
I think its the lack of sleep.

pictorial updates

2008-10-16T16:23:00.006+08:00

I've been far too lazy to update on whats been happening and i finally got around to uploading all the pictures. (:

if you didnt know, i am officially an auntie. My brother's daughter, kate is so darn cute. (: i am going to shower her with lots of love. :DDDD we spent quite a lot of time in the hospital after my sis in law gave birth. i think we will make it a point to visit them once a week from now onwards.

5th oct was marianne's bday and i am glad that our cg 's attempt was surprising her worked. With a little misfortune like buying the cake and leaving it at the counter and leaving my bday card at abi's house, i am glad she had a wonderful celebration. Sue, come back quick! :DDDDDDD you are so much better at planning bday surprises. :D

Finally, my first few attempts at my new fish eye lens. :DDDDD

humility

2008-10-12T17:53:00.002+08:00

Numbers 12. Pastor Wan preached about humility today and i guess it struck all of us in a poignant way. Humility is not about only being humble but its the act of a forgiving spirit. He admitted that he lacked it and there are still many people that he could not forgive from the 1997 crisis. And at that moment, it really hit me hard. it has been 10 years and i dont think that hatred has left. Personally, i know that i still feel uneasy when i see them and even more so, i dont wish to even acknowledge their presence. But my God is a just God and He will judge in His own timing.

I guess the point is not to feel bitter after the preaching because i believe that it reminds me of God's goodness on my family, myself and even where HPC is today. 10 years has indeed being long but God is still working in our hearts and i pray that one day, i will be able to say i forgive them for all they have done.

-

Jesus, in your name we pray
come and heal our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live
for You and glorify your name.

do i?

2008-09-30T16:54:00.003+08:00

Do i sense God? Pastor talked about it last week during sermon and that thought has been lingering at the back of the mind since then. Its not a question of believing God because i believe i do but the question is whether i make it a point to put God at every part of my life.

the sense/need for God is there but i realised it have only been a small part. I need Him but am i willing to surrender everything to him? I guess i am really at this juncture in my life when i dont desire more of Him. Its pretty disappointing just thinking about it.

where do i go from here?
what do i do?

-

the heart to change lies in the attitude.
God, open my eyes to see whats Yours.

the yester-week

2008-09-29T22:31:00.005+08:00

I was pretty tired to update about last week so here goes. It has been a pretty hectic week in school with children's day, rainbow fish musical and the k2 camp. I really cant remember the details except for camp. I think i have a selective memory. Lol. Camp was pretty fun because it was the first stayover experience for the K2s and i am glad they survived it. I was pretty zonked out after the day's activities and i managed to spend quality time with each of them. Haha. I realised i am a pretty light sleeper. i could not sleep that night cuz some of the kids were snoring. LMAO! I ended up sleeping for 2 hours and i havent recovered from the lack of sleep yet.

'

-

my fav boy, brandon is going to grow up to be a good camwhorer. I believe so! He is so cheeky when taking pictures. I realisedthat i am going to miss him the most when i leave. :( One of the teacher claims that he is her fav boy after camp and i was thinking in my heart " NOOOOOOOOO!, HE'S MINE! " but i am glad people can see why he is such a thoughtful and sweet boy even though he is autistic.

-

Ooh, i have tomorrow and wednesday off since they are school holidays.
i am going to rest well and get down to doing some bday presents. (:

ouch ouch

2008-09-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

RAWR! i went to take out my stitches today and it was so freaking pain! i nearly died when he pulled each of them out. The pain was unbearable even though it lasted for close to 5 mins. Now the wound looks even more raw without the stitches and i am more scared of how i am going to sleep later. I got to take care of it because i know it can bleed again. Doc said the swelling will probably subside in a month's time. WOW!

then again, i got so much to be thankful for.
(: i cant wait to go back to work and church.

stop and stare

2008-09-18T02:45:00.006+08:00

mayday mayday! its 3 am and i am still awake. i think i am too scared to sleep, for some obvious reasons which i will not disclosed. Haha. Went out shopping with mingyan and it was a great catch up since i havent seen her in ages. Shopping was great and did i tell you that bakers inn sells super nice macaroons? Haha. Please go try them even though each piece costs $1.50. I intro-ed tsuya tsuya to yan and i got my nails done again. (oops!)

and hello pris! thanks for telling me that incubus sells fish eye cameras when they dont! LOL. i found out that bras basah sells so hopefully, i get one soon! (:

time to attempt to sleep.

fly

2008-09-16T17:33:00.008+08:00

this is what i have been doing while slacking at home. i am so bored of this 'resting' thing even though the wound still hurts like hell. oh my goodness. (: anyway, the biopsy came out and i am fine! Praise God! (:

-

The latest episode of OTH was one of the best ever. It has been a long time since we had a really thought provoking episode from OTH. lets just say season 5 was a complete mess and season 6 makes so much more sense, so far! (:

'Quentin Fields was a basketball player. He was also a son. A brother. Somebody’s teammate. Somebody’s friend. I never knew Quentin Fields and I guess now I never will. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore? If you were suddenly gone how would your world react? Whatever you imagined was wrong. There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields but I’m jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can.' - Samantha, OTH 603

-

we do not remember days
we remember moments.

well

2008-09-14T16:35:00.003+08:00

ruth and huilin came over to visit me today.i guess it has been pretty hard just not being able to go out at all since thursday. But they have been really sweet about it and i guess the support is more important. (: we had so much fun trying to paint ruth's nails ( i think we destroyed them) and it was nice to just catch up and laugh about stuff. :D

i am still pretty worried about tomorrow's results.
but i got to trust in God.

-

i realised that i have learnt new ways to entertain myself
since i am so bored at home.

yes

2008-09-10T20:35:00.002+08:00

and i am starting to realise God's plans for me
at this juncture of my life right now.

Though its tough and i dont enjoy it,
i want to see the fruits of my trust and faith in You.

-

i am going to be alright.

after

2008-08-31T22:51:00.003+08:00

It has been a really tiring week and i cant really remember all the details of it. A part for being sick, there was the dreadful interview and i am glad i gave it my best shot. In the words of my dad, it is all part of an experience whether you get the job or not. (:

Teacher's day celebration at school was pretty cool with all the wonderful plans of making the teachers feel special and i received lovely gifts from the kids and their parents. I am really thankful. (: Then we had teacher's day dinner at ritz carlton yesterday and it was really very fun. We all got to dress up and the food and company was pretty awesome. I was glad that lynn and i spent some time together. :D it felt like jc prom all over again. (:

cg was great this week. I felt that i learnt alot and i got to see some things in new perspectives. I am glad i am not alone in my burdens.

-

May you deserve the honour that i bring.

rest in peace

2008-08-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

'And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' - Revelation 21:3-4

-

He is our Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.

epitome

2008-08-20T20:20:00.007+08:00

because you guys always brighten up my life.
dempsey hut was run down but our bonding was lovely.
happy 22nd, my dear lynn.

-

change is one constant thing in this world.
but my God is one that will never change
with that comes courage to try knowing you go before me.

yes, i am going the distance.
thank You for the opportunity.

before

2008-08-15T21:26:00.002+08:00

So today i drove to school and before i left, isabelle (my fav. girl) pointed at my car..

Isabelle : Is that your car?
Me : Yes, it is. I am driving home.
Isabelle : So that means you have a husband?

...

LMAO! How does having a car equate to being married?

thoughts

2008-08-14T20:35:00.003+08:00

i realised i do miss school alot, its not that i miss NUS or the studying part but its the thought that i wasnt able to enjoy the last year of school with farisa and mindy. Then i think to myself, i only have myself to blame and i know its the right decision not to do honours.

Its really a true test of waiting and trusting in God now.The right job and job opportunities have been few but i must continue to wait upon the Lord. I know there is a purpose in why things are the way they are and i know i should enjoy what i have and what he has given.

I will trust.

-

Olympics has been awesome other than the fact, i am pissed with starhub for not showing tennis until now. I have not yet seen nadal play yet but tonight will be different. (: Darn the stupid 4 hours rain delay and right now, i probably need to wait another 2-3 hours before he comes out. rawr. :D Oh, phelps is really fun to watch and he is a freaking kingkong in the pool. He is so darn good and i like. (:

soon

2008-08-11T19:44:00.005+08:00

I have pretty toe nails now, black base with french gold tips. (:
monday blues was a whole lot better after that.

today was a really busy day, in fact it has been a busy week. I have a lot of pictures to upload and post so lets pray i dont get lazy.

edit 01: pictures time. (:
1. national day celebration at pat's.
Singing the national anthem for the first time after 3 years was weird. But the kids were so cute. (: station games around the school to learn about our CMIO cultures.

2. Then today, we had graduation day for the K2s. It was a mad rush to get them change for phototaking and it was really tiring. It felt weird that alot of the parents decided to come down and watch. But all went well and they all looked darn good. (:

-

My favourite shot of the week. - brandon! (:
he never fails to light up my life. ms maureen says i am his godmother. Hahahaha. I WANT! <3

-

Its time to be responsible, its time.

...

2008-08-05T21:50:00.004+08:00

sometimes its hard to see the good in uncertainties.
i feel like a drifter, aimless and direction-less.

But i trust in You and i believe
You will calm the raging seas.

the first

2008-08-03T00:17:00.004+08:00

I have arrived. (:

never again

2008-07-28T19:52:00.002+08:00

rawr rawr. :(
i had like major stomach upsets yesterday. i think i am going to blame it on the buffet. seriously, i didnt eat dinner somemore and kept going toilet the whole night. Today wasnt much better and my stomach is still churning really badly. ARGH ARGH!! Never again, will i do this to myself. its simply horrible.

-

things to look forward to:
1)national day
2)mummy 3
3)***

God is taking me there

2008-07-27T22:00:00.002+08:00

Today's sermon was fantastic and i am glad that the church is growing in numbers. it is always great to see more and more people coming to our church. It hasnt been like that in a while and as far as i can remember, church is always packed with people during easter and christmas only. I love seeing the church grow. (:

'Go ahead for I am with you.'
1 Samuel.

I broke down yesterday during worship. I realised i hated myself for doing so but i guess i was only human. I have been worrying so much about the whole job/masters thing that i have seen to lose sight and faith in God. My problems have become so consumed in me that i failed to see that God provides and God knows.

The 'twists' in life will eventually lead to the path that God desires. I need to keep reminding myself that and not lose hope in the midst of uncertainties.

Jeanette, God knows where to go.

-

What can i do but praise You
What can i do but give my life to You

to you, brandon

2008-07-25T19:13:00.003+08:00

my favourite boy, brandon broke down today. And it simply broke my heart. in the span of the 3 months i have been there, he has never once broken down or shown any form of emotions. if you didnt know, he is autistic and obviously has a serious lack of the social and emotional aspects. Something must have triggered him to cry because he simply didnt want to sit on the floor or listen to whatever we said. He just simply said he wanted to go home and kept wiping his tears. My heart went out to him. But after 15 mins of persuasion, he was back to his own self. (:

I have grown so attached to him over the past few months that he will be the first one i will miss dearly after i leave. though there are alot of times that i dont understand what his actions mean, i am thankful because he has grown to like me. From the times that he have drawn of me, to the times that he loves spinning around me, to the times he held my hand to go to the playground, to the times he comes and hug me whenever he feels scared, to the times he plays catching with me around the music room, to the times he broke my toe nail and thoughtfully said sorry.. my dear boy, i hope you will be fine when you go to primary school next year.

I am pretty worried for him as to how he is going to adjust to primary school because he really should go to a special school. He is academically inclined and incredibly smart so lets hope his condition gets better.

my dear boy, ms jeanette prays you grow into a man of courage filled with wisdom and may the Lord bless you and keep you safe. i hope that you may come to know of Him one day. (:

-

oh lynn and i finally saw claire's dad!!!! :D
that seriously made my day! (:

certain

2008-07-20T21:51:00.006+08:00

I realised how much i look forward to sundays now. It is always good to start the day off with church and sermons so far have been poignant and meaningful. i am glad, i am really happy to see how 'we are moving forward. (:

today's sermon was no exception.
'if we can look at death in its spiritual sense,
then our life would be meaningful.'

why keep it, we got to share it too.

-

a few weeks back, one of the pastors shared something and i think it has stuck among many of us. i have learn to see things from the other perspective and even when there are uncertainties right now, i know i must stay strong to the faith and be certain that my God will provide for my needs.

'Every person, event and circumstance are God's exercises to build up our faith, hope and love.'

And so i will continue to trust and press on
because You know what is best for me.

Lord, let your will be done in my life.

-

Edit 01: I am going to make it a point to post more pictures of whatever has been happening during the week. lets hope this can last! (:

1. TFF at NUS. (:

2. Isabelle's bday. she is my favourite girl! (:

the other adorable kids...

my favourite boy!! BRANDON! (:

3. Sue's farewell.

4. a minor camwhoring session with ms chuang after 30 hr famine.

2008-07-19T09:54:00.001+08:00

your grace is sufficient for me.
i am glad You provide in your own time.

God, i want to thank you
because you never fail.

-

help me to stay strong.

goodbye for now

2008-07-14T23:30:00.002+08:00

Saying Goodbye is never easy
but i know our friendship will never change
and i hope you believe that as much as i do too.

but in every Goodbye, i know i can rest on the fact
that you will be back soon. (:

remember me. remember us.
remember our cg. remember the memories.
remember home.

Graduation Day

2008-07-09T22:36:00.004+08:00

So i finally graduated after commencement today.
thanks to all those who came down to support me.
it really meant alot to me. (:

-

so here goes : the next chapter.

oh my gosh

2008-07-08T18:28:00.004+08:00

GOSH! it took 10 discs of 700MB memory space each to back up all my pictures. Why in the world do i have so many pictures? it amazes me that i have like thousands of pictures in my computer. i am a freaking cam-whorer. LOL. no wonder my computer needs more memory space. Thank God, my dad is going to upgrade more memory space for my computer.

i should seriously stop taking pictures.
on second thought, i will take that back!

LOL.

-

graduation is tml. Darn it, my white blouse is not going to dry in time and i still have to try on the gown and put pins to attach the pink colour second piece to it. i hope tomorrow will be good even though i dont think it will be. I got a feeling it is going to be bittersweet. :/

OH HAPPY DAY

2008-07-07T20:18:00.004+08:00

HAHAHAH. NADAL WON !!!!! YIPEEEE! <3
i nearly died while watching the match yesterday.
my heart almost could not take it.
oh well, federer is a deserving winner too but at the
end of the day, the best man won!!!
NADALLLLLL WONNNNNN! :D

prayer works, seriously.

-

i am in such a good mood now even though i have to work
tomorrow. RAWR. i have to stay back till 3 pm everyday this week.
this wed is my commencement somemore. i am so not looking forward to that.

in the light of it all, its pictures time. (:

clara's 21st birthday at timbre. <3

Huilin's 22nd bday at pizza hut plaza sing.

uncle's 60th bday at ritz carlton. mummy <3

the sister. <3

mummy again <3 ritz's food was good.

it was youth sunday yesterday. ms claire and me (:

qing, matt, claire and me. matt looks so cute. LOL

another shot. awwwww. :D

attempting to squeeze in sue lynn and janice. (:

so thats it. work is starting tml.
i hope its a good day. :D

-

till i see you again
and grace amazing takes me home.

uncertain

2008-07-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

i am obviously leading a pretty good life right now with a nice part time job as well as having enough time to do what i love at home. i guess i am a slacker in some sense and i dont miss studying at all so far. (:

it seems hard to let your kindergarden boss that i wont be staying till the at the end of the year. its like i dont know how to even start a conversation of this sort. And sometimes i wish i did not have to be put in a situation like this especially since the teachers and kids are really nice.

for the first time, i really dont know what
i want and where to go from here.
i am actually feeling very depressed that things arent certain.
i wish i could see beyond all of these.
i wish i could like changes abit more.

-

for you alone are great in power
for you alone are my strong tower

-

i want to hold onto You more than ever.

attempting

2008-06-29T01:32:00.003+08:00

i am attempting to blog at 1.33 am while waiting for Nadal to start playing. I was reading some of the chapters and key points that we discussed during friday's cg and i felt really encouraged about what new perspectives i have learnt from 1st and 2nd Peter.

I am glad i can see the second coming in new light and i like how these weeks of learning these two books have encouraged me to take a look deeper into my spiritual life and see how i can be a better testimony for God. its not only about influencing others but its also about my mindsets about holiness that needs to be changed.

my brains are dead, i dont think i made sense. (:

-

The New Jerusalem.
'Now the swelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things have passed away.' Rev 21:3-4

where art thou

2008-06-25T13:17:00.003+08:00

And there was a prolonged silence,one that lasted so long i could hear the earth stop moving.

-

i hate changes, did i tell you that before?
i wish somehow things could just be the way
it used to be and i wish i did not have to be surrounded
by expectations clouding what i truly want for myself.

but the truth is i dont really know what i want anymore
after everything that is happening.

-

Only You above know
and i will trust.

Your Name

2008-06-22T18:45:00.002+08:00

Church was pretty good today. Worship was pretty awesome because we had a mix of old and new songs and i really love the two new songs that Kenny introduced us. Your Name struck to me so hard and listening to the song really gives me strength that our God is above everything.

I am glad to see the church moving and with new leadership and with so much in store, i cant wait. Indeed God has been good. Our church has come a long way and its really now that i can finally say we are moving on to something great. (: And in my heart right now, i know that this is where i belong.

-

As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch
Your heart and glorify Your Name

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live
for You and glorify Your Name

poignant

2008-06-20T23:18:00.002+08:00

cell group was pretty intense tonight.i wasnt really following much since i had a really tiring day at work but there were alot to be learnt tonight and it really made me realise that i am far from being a christian that God desires.

~~willfully sinning~~ a transformed life.

Jeanette, you need to check your motives and attitudes after sinning. sometimes i take for granted of the idea of 'forgiveness' and neglect the importance of 'repentance.'

May You guide my words, my actions and my life.

-

i was finally thrown up in a pressurized situation today at work. Eileen told me last minute that she needed me to do a Welcome Back Board before the kids returned next monday. there was absolutely no time and i was really stressed because some of the teachers were giving me different ideas and even at one time, i had to take down the whole constructed board and redo. In any case, i managed to complete it after work. A random note aside. - i realised teachers' politics is something i hope i never get involved in.

i am so glad i can sleep in and wake up late tomorrow.

on my way

2008-06-19T10:46:00.002+08:00

i am going to make it a point to blog more often right now. This blog is dying due to the lack of updates. i had a short holiday to Malacca last weekend along with the company of jeff and bu. it was a pretty enjoyable trip with great food, great shopping and great company. The long car trip up was a good reflection for me and listening to my ipod, one song struck out to me. i realised how much it gave me comfort about where i stood in my life right now. I am highly uncertain about whats next in my life but i thank God that i can rest in His grace and He is working out my purpose for Him.

I’m far away from what I’ve known
And there’s static on the radio
Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway
I’ve been up and down this winding road
It’s getting dark, the stores are closed
The map is wrinkled, my coffee’s turned to grey

But I’m on my way, I’m on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I’ll be alright
‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Sweet embrace, I’m on my way

He has brought my through my educational days and i know for sure, he will bring me through with a good job soon. Applications and Resumes have been sent out and for now, i guess i should just enjoy where i am at the Kindergarden. Long talks with my parents and sister made me realise that i should not just close my heart to only what is in front of me but it is to be daring to try different fields in the cooperate world. You never know what is going to happen. If it works out, then i try but if it does not, i stay put in the Kindergarden. The basis is that i follow wherever God leads me to and truly, i should trust in Him.

But I’m on my way, I’m on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I’ll be alright
‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Don’t give up on me, I’m on my way

I can picture your smiling face
Your arms stretched to hold me
Waiting there by the gate
If I ever get lost
I know that you’ll find me
There’s a cross on a hill saying
“Do not be afraid.”

A once told me that if i truly desire something from God, i should pray continually and i realise how much that has helped in my prayer life with Him. even though i may not always get what i want, but it is always good to set your desires before Him. Everything is truly in its time and to love, to the future and to life - i know He is in control and those desires of mine will come when He knows i am ready.

sweet embrace, i am on my way.

recently

2008-06-06T19:09:00.004+08:00

Mmmm, i cant believe i am attempting to blog when i am rushing for cell group meeting. i just have the urge to do so. Working at Pat's school house has been rather fulfilling and i just love hanging around the kids. Their uncanny sense of joy and liveliness have influenced me and i realise that i too, can be a good influence in educating and playing with them. i love how this job makes me fulfilled at the end of the day. i dont deny that its tiring keeping up with their energy but i really do look forward to waking up in the mornings just to go to the work.i hope this passion does not die out.

i am still praying for guidance as to what would my next step be. i really hope my parents will allow me to stay on here till the end of the year even though that would mean a lousier pay and shorter working hours. Do pray! (:

off to cell group.
running late. (:

i cant thank Him enough

2008-05-31T22:33:00.002+08:00

so much has happened this week and it passed really fast because of the anticipation for the release of my exams results. i was a nervous wreck, i think those that i complained to probably knew. i was really scared to death. i needed a miracle from God and after screwing up my exams, i thought this was IT and i could just prepare to break the bad news to my parents.

but God has been good and his grace was sufficient for me.
i will never forget 30th May 2008.
Be real to me Lord, i asked and He did so.

I had a long talk with mum today and she finally understood what i went through in NUS. i know i am taking a different path from my sister and brother and i am glad she has finally accepted things the way they are. i have struggled so much in NUS and the first two years were bad but i am glad that by the grace of God, the 3rd year was better and i finally realized why God put me in NUS. its like - i see the light right now.

-

well, its going to be sad that some are going
to continue honours without me but hey, we are
just taking different paths. i will def. miss
you two, M & F. i cant wait for monday! (:

-

i cant thank You enough.

:[

2008-05-22T10:28:00.002+08:00

today seems a bit duller and glommy.
have been sick since yesterday and my fever
and bad cough is back to haunt me again.

besides, david A lost and i am even more depressed.

i hope i will be able to sing for tomorrow, sat and sunday.
zzzzzz, it is time to indulge in csi and taiwan shows.
american idol was way too depressing to watch.

what has happened?

2008-05-16T16:27:00.001+08:00

i have no idea where you are right and what you are doing.
has this friendship being lost already?
i think it has been a mistake.

-

i am pretty lost now.
i have no idea what i am supposed to do.

-

God, be my strength.

its been a long time

2008-05-13T21:39:00.002+08:00

wow, it has almost been a month since i last blogged. exams ended and school is over. i am basically bumming around but going to start work next week. Haha. i think God has a plan and i truly believe he is. This week has been rather overwhelming but i think God has been saying alot and i am really grateful.

deny yourself, jeanette.
God will never shortchange you.

-

anyway, its bumming time.
David. A for the win! LOL
going to vote like mad tml! :DDD

parents

2008-04-21T20:03:00.003+08:00

So its almost confirmed that i wont be going for missions. Parents being parents have come out with a 'thousand' reasons on why i should not go, and for once it clashes with their wedding anniversary. they always say you decide with such looks in their eyes that you wont dare to say you want to fight to go. there is absolutely no point going when your parents wont be happy.

it sucks being 22 and being the youngest.
period.

whoever said that the youngest was the best, please go knock yourself against the wall. i know i should obey their decisions even though i am not happy.. i will do so only because i know God will want that.

rawr.

last day of school

2008-04-17T22:28:00.002+08:00

i thought i had one more day left of school tml but i found out that today was my last day. it was the busiest day with two tests and one revision lecture. there were disappointments because i screwed up my essay really badly and i think the social work test was quite hard. Emotions were running high but the first thing i said to God was 'Thank you for what you have done and what you have given.' there is no doubt that i was upset and disappointed but as i looked back on my 3 years in NUS, i am glad i made it through and i believe there was a purpose on why God chose to put me in here. There are so much to be grateful for and i will probably write about it after my exams.

3 years and today marks the end of my university days.
its a new chapter and a new beginning but right now,
exams are coming up and i still need to focus.

i am lost for words, mixed with happy and sad emotions.
all in all, bittersweet. but i am prepared for the next phase.

-

In all things,
your grace is sufficient for me.

LOL

2008-04-16T22:56:00.003+08:00

i just realised that this week is the last week of school.LOL LOL LOL LOL.there are two tests tml that i am completely not ready for. i am freaking dead.

-

and i dont know why dont u realise that
you have been neglecting this friendship
and you dont see to be doing anything about it.

LOL.

its sad.

contented

2008-04-15T12:22:00.004+08:00

Your faithfulness never fails
Your faithfulness everyday
You're the same

Unfailing love sets me free
Unfailing love you lead me
With your hand

-

so i prayed last night for his will be done in my last 3 weeks in school. i never liked comparing myself with others but i want to not let myself done, not let my parents down and most importantly, to glorify Him. So yes, i am going to give it my best shot.

first few results of term papers and projects came back today and you know what? A great sense of peace and acceptance came over me and i just want to thank Him for the results i had. It truly comes from Him and i accept that with a willing heart. (:

two more tests this thursday! i am roughly done with science of music. i looked through the tutorials and test papers till i nearly died. i really do not like calculating. I am more worried for social work now even though its just MCQs. But still, i am going to start studying today. (:

i am glad.

oh and i love my new skin! i always loved it ever since mary published it. Lol. And of course, even more so because it reminds me of the new T series i am watching. pris should know this because poststicks are love. (:

-

And all i know
With your arms around me
Your face is all that i seek
Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy